It really stuns me that communication is the last thing people think of.

Let's think a few steps ahead...so you catch her out. She's sending emails to a lover. Then what?

Confront her with evidence, basically proving that you can't communicate your fears and discuss them rationally like an adult, but that you're prepared to break the law with the intention to create a big dramatic scene?

And what if she's innocent? Wouldn't that be so much worse, just adding paranoia to the laundry list of your mistakes?

Honestly, you need to sit down and have a bloody good think about where you're going with this.